There’s a lot of emphasis, these days, on being an original. A one-off. It’s tremendously fashionable to raise your kids against the grain, as if forcing them to wear the full school uniform when no one else is will somehow encourage them to think for themselves, when in fact all it’s encouraging them to think is hateful thoughts about you. Those of us who were raised, like the poor kid in About A Boy (what’s a sheep go?) with the idea that it’s somehow better to be a leader than follow the herd, will know that bitterness and alienation is the only consequence of this kind of idealistic nonsense. Don’t tell your kids they’re special, and don’t think you are, either. You’re refusing the basic nicety that keeps the wheels of our society oiled. It’s vitally important for children – and adults – to fit in, simply in order to function in the world. If you grow up believing yourself to be different there’s a good chance you’ll come crashing down the minute you realise you can’t lead these sheep. Like Gregor Samsa you’ll look down and see that you’re a crackling voiceless monster, utterly dependent on others, too. You are what you despise. No one’s different. We’re all the same: eating, fucking, working, shitting beasts looking for ways to pass the time. We’re all animals, and we’re all going to die. Before you do, learn to fit in.
